I am completely overwhelmed and drained by all of this attention and now it is time for me to move on and for me to draw a line under this. I have spent far too much time thinking about Frankie Boyle in the last few days and not enough time fangurling over Mika. The balance in my life is all wrong, wrong, wrong!
But before I move on, I feel the need to state here that I am not going to be talking about this any more after this blog post. I wont be talking to any journalists (even if they turn up at the DS support group I help run like one did this morning, or outside my front door, as another did) and I will not be replying to any tweets or blog replies (whether positive or negative). I wont be going on the One Show (yes really!) not the Today Programme, or any of the other TV and radio stations that have contacted/tried to contact me today. Sorry!
I would also like to say that I have not censored any replies on here, so you can see exactly what people think/have replied but I did turn moderation on just to avoid spammers. I havent had any, so am turning moderation off. I hope that isnt a big mistake ;)
For the record, I never intended any of this fuss to happen. And although some people think I am attention seeking, or a hypocrite, or whinging, or indeed all three, that was never my intention. In fact I dont like the attention this has brought and would right now happily hibernate for the rest of the year (apart from the 2 Mika gigs I have tickets for - wouldnt miss them for the world, naturally).
My blog was written as a quick and easy way to explain to my friends on fb and twitter as to why i had personally had such a rubbish evening. It was never intended to get the word out to the whole world (!) nor for me to get my 10mins of fame from it. Honestly.
I know some people wont believe that, and that they/others will be thinking bad of me right now, but I can do nothing to change their view of me. And to be honest they dont know me, so what does their view matter anyway?
I know in my heart of hearts that my intentions were, and my intentions have always been good. I love and adore my daughter, and am very proud of her, and I hate to see stereotypes about Down syndrome being laughed about and shared to thousands of people. I hate it when people use lazy humour to make fun of people who cannot answer back.
If the fact that I enjoy stand up comedy and I also am upset when people make fun of people with disabilities makes me a hypocrite, then I hold my hands up and admit that must be what I am. But I am only human, and I am not perfect.
If only one person stops and thinks before making fun of someone with a disability then its a good thing. Or if this whole mad episode helps someone understand that people with DS do not have bad haircuts, bad clothes, old out of touch parents, then that too can only be a good thing.
I am not on a mission, I am not a crusader. My blog was only ever intended to write a report about the evening I experienced, and the reasons why I felt upset. It was not an attack on Frankie Boyle, it was merely a factual (though obviously emotive) report on the evenings events. I dont like the humour that he used about people with DS, and I dont like the way he handled the whole situation, but I dont much like the way I handled it either. I should have walked out of the show and borne the brunt of any jokes he might have made about me leaving. But i was too cowardly to do so. I did not heckle him and would not have said anything to anybody about the nights events had he not come over and asked us what we were talking about. So I dont think anybody should be feeling proud of me, because this has all only happened by accident, because he came and spoke directly to us.
I had no intention to 'go public' with any of this. Not my style.
So... I plan to now quietly slip back to anonymity and a world full of glitter, shoes and Mika
Much love to you all x
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Beautifully put Sharon...now back to Mika XXX
ReplyDeleteBring on Mika, babe!! xxx
ReplyDeleteVery insightful and well put. I hope you get some peace Sharon- fame is a hungry game!
ReplyDeletePS. Where and when is Mika performing, I want to go?!?!
ReplyDeleteI've just stumbled across this from a thread posted in another web forum. I have huge amounts of respect for you for standing up to Frankie Boyle. The fact that he says he didn't give a f'ck what you thought says an awful lot about his character. I grew up with someone with a disability and know exactly what its like to be subjected to ridicule and frankly piss poor jokes.
ReplyDeleteAll the best to you and your family.
Mika though? Seriously? :o)
Try and have a restful weekend.
ReplyDeleteAs stressful as this has been for you, I think it was meant to be blown up to a bigger thing. People need to be made to think about the effect of "so called" humour.
I've seen some comments made where people draw parallels between their own situations and yours. E.g one woman said that she was uncomfortable and upset in the past when FB made jokes about cancer patients and at the time her Mum had terminal cancer. As upsetting as that was for her, I think what happened in the case you have highlighted is even worse. The sad truth is, there are way too many people out there who think it is acceptable to make the lives of those with learning disabilites hell. They think it's acceptable to poke fun. As far as I know, people don't go around poking fun at people who are dying of cancer. So IMO, tasteless at that is, it is not such a potentially harmful situation to joke about as the one you have highlighted.
I was led here by a Twitter post, and was very moved and impressed by what you said, and how you handled Boyle that night and since.
ReplyDeleteYou ended you first post with, "He [Boyle] doesnt need to stoop to such low levels, such poor humour. He is better than that."
Boyle's proved exactly what he is, and he's in now way "better than that".
You may have roused the average Daily Mail reader from their slumber, but alas some of us with braincells to spare are not impressed. Saying more would be repeating what a good clutch of people have already called you out on.
ReplyDeleteSadly, the Internet does not afford such anonymities. You ARE a hypocrite. Next time you broadcast something to the world. Don't be surprised who you find reading it.
Yes, Mika fangurling is in order! Dammy and Cornwall are waiting for you! Spend your money on a man who does private m&gs with people who have disabilities after his shows beore he even has a drink or something to eat - my heart melted in Vienna, omfg he was so lovely to the kids he was seeing. Don't waste your time or money on someone as ignorant as Frankie Boyle.
ReplyDeleteAnyone can get a laugh by tearing apart somebody else, and it's especially cowardly to rip apart those who may not be able to just walk up to him in the street and tell him that he's a prick. He's going for easy targets and that, frankly, is shameful. I'm not a comedian, but I can do a lot better than that. I've always had MUCH more respect for Russell Howard, he's never vicious, and he gets a laugh out of people without being nasty. That's far more challenging and he's far more intelligent. Notice that not only is he still on Mock the Week, but he's also got his own TV show, now back for its 2nd series. Where's Frankie Boyle? ...Yeah, that's what I thought.
I can't believe how crazy this thing went, but it's great that people realise how much of a bully he is now...cos that's what it is really, bullying, isn't it? Still, I think closing the book on it is the best thing now. Don't waste another second of your life thinking about him. Watch the Kickass video, enjoy a bit of dirty, speccy Mika, and then go and enjoy Dara when you see him. Intelligent comedy is where it's at. XD
Sorry this is so long, by the way, but as you know, I don't shut up in real life either. ;)
@DrWhut...guess you qualify as not having braincells then....
ReplyDeleteI disagree, I am proud of you. Because you had the guts to say why you were upset.
ReplyDeleteThe One Show would have been good... but you've proved to them all what we knew already, you were just telling a group of friends what happened and a really good gossip overheard and it spiralled.
Back to normal on Monday eh?
*hands you a cup of tea*
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine your shock at seeing so many comments on your blog. I also blog to release or "brain dump". The interweb is a crazy place sometimes!
I am inspired by the way you stayed calm and measured during this whole episode. I am not sure many people could stay so strong after such a difficult time. Your daughter is truly blessed.
ReplyDeleteWell, I found this at random from the BBC article on your story... I don't want to hi-jack your blog away from your "real" friends, but I do want to say good for you - you've handled the whole thing, it seems, extremely well and with dignity, and I hope you've opened a lot of people's minds a little to Down Syndrome and its sufferers.
ReplyDeleteI was a bit put out when Frankie Boyle attacked Becky Adlington (mainly since I'm from Mansfield and she's a local girl!) but this really, really was too far. I hope he too learns from it.
For what it's worth, too, Mika is awesome :D
Funny, I was thinking the same yesterday ...., just not in so many words..... more like: "everybody just F off and leave me alone..." have a great weekend...and remember what other people think just don't matter. You are surrounded by people you love and who loves you, that all that matters in this world... :-)
ReplyDeleteI, like Nick above, came across your blog via BBC. You have done EXACTLY the right thing. I don't know anyone who wouldn't commend you for your handling of the situation. A few blog posts expressing with enough, but not too much, emotion and nothing more. It doesn't need anything more.
ReplyDeleteI am a MASSIVE fan of comedians like Rhod Gilbert and Michael McIntyre who, generally, are funny by personifying objects/animals. When it comes to other people, I just don't find it amusing.
My boyfriend has a huge hatred of Frankie Boyle and I (who tries to find the good in everyone) always tell him off 'you don't know him, don't judge him'. I will now stop those comments. Having NEVER heard anything he's done, I had no right to tell him that. I will never give FB any support, be it watching him on TV, YouTube or going to shows.
Thank you for saying what should have long ago been said about comedy!
Jo
Lovely Sharon... I've been reading all the negative comments about you online and getting really angry on your behalf, but it's a waste of energy. They don't know you from Adam, the overwhelmingly vast majority of them weren't there at the gig, they didn't watch the story grow on its own from this blog (really f*cking scary, actually, seeing the tracks across Twitter...), they don't know you well enough enough to know that the last thing you'd do is go to the press or use your daughter as a step-up for 15 minutes of fame. They don't know you, they don't know what they're talking about, and so what they say really doesn't matter, does it?
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm proud of you because you realised this and have maintained a dignified silence throughout. I'd have picked a fight with each and every last one of the ignorant fecks.
As s scottish person and a parent of a disabled daughter, I hope you won't brand all scottish people with the same brush. Frankie Boyle makes me feel ashamed to be scottish at this moment. Well done Sharon and please believe unlike Frankie most people do care xxx
ReplyDeleteI'm fairly new to blogging and can't imagine what you must be going through having this happen to you on your first blog post! I remember being excited after several weeks when I finally got my first comment! I really, really hope this whole episode doesn't put you off blogging. It can be a really lovely experience, honest. :-)
ReplyDelete@aj of course i wont. My dad is scottish, and I certainly dont think badly of a whole country! ;)
ReplyDeleteYou love House MD! (mild twitter stalking, I'm sorry!) My thoughts about your experience at FB's show are mixed, and I don't think you'd benefit from reading them, but kudos for the House loving - if you're only on series 2, you have many brilliant episodes to come :)
ReplyDeleteWell, you have got to examine yourself Sharon.
ReplyDeleteAny jokes he will make are going to offend someone. Be they overweight people, disabled people, blind people, old people, people in a certain occupation or whatever.
Don't pick and choose. You can't say you like stand up comedy, and then bomb out on the first thing that touches a nerve. Be a bigger person and be consistent.
Personally I agree his material was pathetic but then I would never go to a stand up comedy show because this is what I would expect. Whereas in your case you'd probably be laughing your head off at a joke about a fat person, or a gay person, or an Asian person, but as soon as it comes closer to home you can't take it.
And you seem to revel in the publicity which is only highlighting your own inconsistency. You were on the Five live morning show with Victoria Derbyshire yesterday weren't you? Are you looking to kick start your blog or host some Google ads!
Examine yourself, be consistent and renounce this type of comedy. It is making fun of people and that's not fun for those concerned whoever they are.
Now enough of that, and lets see some posts about shoes because shoes are cool and I'll happily discuss those, because aside from this Boyle incedent you seem an interesting person.
@Tammi Granger for the record i hated every moment i was on the radio, i sat there shaking and with tears in my eyes throughout. They called me at 7am yesterday morning, waking me up, and were very persuasive (I wasnt really awake, not thinking straight). The moment i agreed to do it i regretted it, and decided at that point to not do any other interviews. The only reason I did any interviews at all (and no i didnt get paid for any despite what some on twitter think) was to try to get across my point which has been so misinterpreted throughout the media.
ReplyDeleteI have no problem with stand up comedy. I do have a sense of humour, though am sure that lots of people dont believe that right now, haha. I also think FB has a clever dry sense of humour, which is challenging and whilst often offensive makes valid points and attempts to challenge and change our views on things. However his humour about people with DS was based on stereotypes which are not only out of date but very factually wrong. I was upset that he was merely reinforcing these stereotypes, to thousands of people, rather than trying to break the stereotypes and make a statement about how society treats disabled people. I expected a better quality of humour from him, I didnt expect to hear the rubbish that I hear day in day out about people with DS. It is not acceptable to use the words retard, mongoloid etc in current times. TBH the bit on DS seemed so out of kilter with the rest of the show, like he had just gone into a set routine with poor joke after poor joke. And on and on it went...
In hindsight it was the wrong show for me to go to, I admit that. I accept that many will be calling me a hypocrite. Fine. But i cannot help how upset I was during the show, and when I started this blog it was purely to update my friends on what i felt was a pretty horrendous evening (you dont expect to cry yourself to sleep after going to a comedy show eh?)
Also, for the record, I will not be profitting from this at all. I have not accepted any payments from anyone, and i have no plans to put any ads on my blog. (That said though, maybe I should, it could fund a flight to Europe to see Mika, or a new pair of Jimmy Choos?!)
And finally, trust me, I am not an interesting person ;) I am sure that my extra 200 followers on twitter will soon be unfollowing, and my 60 or so blog followers will stop following pretty soon too. My life is as dull and bland as it can be. Mum of 2 from the burbs, with an obsession with shoes and Mika.
Well that explains a bit more ;-) Ms Derbyshire loves to churn, and she loves to milk any emotion that may be going, to further her own show. I guess some would say that is what makes good radio though.
ReplyDeleteGoogle ads would be a good idea if the cash was for a shoe fund, that would be entirely reasonable! But you would have to be brazenly honest about it, haha.
Stand-up to me seems largely based on stereotyping, whether that be race, disability, or anything similar. Clearly those people are not fair game especially if children or people who don't choose to be that way or to put themselves in the public eye. The only type of comedy I'd subscribe to apart from slapstick would be satire.
Politicians or film stars do choose to put themselves in the public eye, and get handsomely paid for it too, so I think they are fair game for some ribbing.
But I guess one can't guarantee what stand-up will consist of. The most common theme seems to be life observational, and that quickly turns into stereotyping. It's like something out of the 1950's which I hope we would all have grown out of, as you say.
Hi Sharon, I am glad this whole incident took place. It has highlighted some peoples outdated and stereotyped view of Downs and has been brilliant for raising awareness! My son has Downs, has trendy hair and designer clothes, he is loved by all who know him.
ReplyDeleteLife can be hard with many medical appointments, DLA forms, SEN forms etc.. but we deal with it because we love him and he's been through so much healthwise and is so brave and strong himself that we must be the same. So when someone so publicly refers to children with Downs as mongols and takes the pi** out of them it breaks my heart as it's so far from the truth.
You may not realise it but you did a really good thing and have possibly re-educated someone who was completely ignorant XXX
Hi, I've been following this & as a parent of a 22 year old young lady with Down's I must commend you on the dignity you've handled yourself with. It must have been very scary the way it snowballed, but I think it has brought home to a lot of people that outdated stereotypes still exist among the ignorant. I can assure you that in general, people are basically kind - my daughter has been through the mainstream school system, attends Farnborough Tech, and we have rarely come across such attitudes. I also work as LSA to a little boy with Down's in infant school, the 3rd child with Down's I have worked with & I've not seen prejudice towards them either (except when trying to get funding from the LEA!!)
ReplyDeleteGood on you for standing up for what you believe in, & carry on enjoying your lovely daughter.
BTW, having been through the whole rigmarole of statementing, benefits, etc.over the years, I am considering starting a blog with useful information for parents of Down's Syndrome children, the things you are not told about, like free dental treatment at special needs clinics, free swimming, carer concessions, etc. etc. As the parent of a younger child, do you think there is a need for something like this?
Hi Sharon,
ReplyDeleteYou are totally awesome and although any flack you might have got is totally out of order, it's high time these "comedians" got some accountability. It's Just. Not. Funny. People are people. take care
Aj
Frankie Boyle performs to his audience and we all know that he will tend to mock and poke fun at quite a few things including disability.
ReplyDeleteHe had nothing to appologise for as you were at his gig and anyone with half a brain cell would realise that he uses offensive material.
Maybe this kind of comedy is not to everyone's taste but then again they probably shouldn't be at his show anyway.
At least now you know what he is like outside of the "confines of a TV editing suite" and rather than trying to label blame on him you should think of why you were in that position in the first place.
Be proud of your actions.
ReplyDeleteYou have handled the situation far better than Boyle, remained dignified, reasonable and graceful in the face of oposition.
Those who call you hypocrit and attempt to make you feel guilty for the personal expression of your thoughts, should take a look at the bigger picture.
You come across as a sincere and lovely woman, and im sure that those who know you personally count themselves lucky for it, your daughter could not have a better mother, you should not regret anything.
This event has obviously made an impact on your life, hopefully for the better, as despite the unpleasant way in which it came about, you are now aware of the amazing amount of support for those in your position, and have made contact with many people that also love shoes and mika's adorable music!
Stay strong, resilient and enjoy your blog as you intended it -an outlet of your thoughts, it is good to know that the world has people like you in it.
Hi there,
ReplyDeleteThere was a feature about this subject on the late show on BBC London with Joanne Good yesterday (Saturday) morning. I rang up and spoke about the tendency towards nasty comedy, including jokes about rape. I've never watched Frankie Boyle, but I saw a clip of an incident in which Ricky Gervais trivialised the illness ME, caricaturing sufferers as people who just want to get out of work. I posted a transcript of my bit at my blog here, and you can follow the links and hear the full show.
Personally, I think the trend towards this kind of cruel, nasty humour is rather ugly, and right now if you object, people tell you to just lighten up. When I was at college, I found that the student RAG group published a joke book in which there were gags about child abuse and how to "cure" lesbians and feminists, but when I tried to stop its publication, they played a trick on me and made me look stupid, then said, "it's comedy". That was in 1996 I think.
Hiya
ReplyDeleteInteresting string of events for you I bet, and good luck to you and your daughter.
I have a daughter with CP. I've seen Frankie Boyle live and he was hysterical - cringeingly hysterical. Sure, he made a couple of comments about cerebral palsy and dribbling, but to be honest, so what? It's COMEDY not opinion.
You go to see him absolutely to watch him take the piss out of everything and everyone, and to ask him to censor himself is ridiculous. He won't, and of course he shouldn't.
It's awful you got upset, and being right at the front was probably not a wise choice!
When we saw him he was a lot worse with his rape material, and I have to say I still laughed at that, but how someone who'd been raped would have taken that stuff I don't know.
I bet everyone in that audience and every audience Frankie Boyle plays to takes a 'direct hit' from some comment or other of his, but maybe that's what we go to these shows for - to find the funny side of the harsh things in life?
Well done for what you did. Sadly, people with learning disabilities are at the bottom of the discrimination hierarchy which is why Boyle thinks they can be targetted with impunity.
ReplyDeleteWhere, for example, is there a monument to the people with learning disabilities who were among the Nazis' first victims?
I often wonder why Bernard Manning ended his life as a pariah when twerps like this carries on airing their neanderthal prejudices using "irony" as an excuse. Thanks for showing him it isn't.
@andy42g - this blog was merely intended to be a record of what happened that night and how i felt. it was written for friends/family to read and i have not at any point asked him to censor himself. It was a record of what happened, and about how I personally felt about it.
ReplyDeleteIt is not my fault that this all blew up in the media, and that messages about my original blog have become mixed, so that people think I have been asking for censorship.
It has become a bigger debate than I ever imagined, and I am ready for it to be over with as i have been emotionally battered and bruised by all of this. I really only wrote the blog to 'get it out of my system' about how i felt about the evenings events. And I think i have the right to my opinion. At no time have i tried to sway anyone else's opinions, though I do feel that if Frankie Boyle met my daughter or the other kids I know with DS then he wouldnt use his current jokes as he would see how poor they are.
I really dont want to defend myself over this any more :( I am tired of it all and wish for it to go away. It was a personal blog and I was merely recording how I felt during the evening and afterwards.
Fair enough. You have no need to defend yourself, and I apologise if I seemed like I was having a go. You came across on the radio as really very sane and sensible, and the same goes for this blog. Trouble is with these blogs is though that your opinions get out there in public!? Delete the posts and turn off comments for a while and we'll all go away...?
ReplyDeleteThis incident has sparked off some interesting debate though (amongst me and my friends that is) about who should be allowed to say what and to whom. I suppose it all boils down to context, and we will laugh at on the face of it some pretty awful stuff if it's presented as entertainment.
@andy42g i am not going to delete the blog because if i do then people will believe what they want to believe without actually reading what it was i said in the first place. I will turn off comments for a while though, until it all calms down. I never thought my blog (which was written for friends to see) would spark such a widespread debate. You live and learn eh?
ReplyDelete